Row your Boat

2011-02-24T01:56:00.000+11:00

What then?

2010-12-20T11:15:00.003+11:00

When no matter how big or small you think, you don't want to be anywhere.

When you've deconstructed god, not because you wanted to, but because you needed something that could hold up to scrutiny.

When you can see the nets we've woven around ourselves as a society, with all its tangles and all its holes. How comfortable it can make us, as long as we don't look too hard at what it's made of. And for goodness sake, don't struggle against it. Don't even talk about it.

When lies and lies and lies have been told. All in the form of I love you. Over and Over. When that doesn't mean I won't turn my back on you forever in a second.

When you find the good people, the few that remain after the fire and you are not like them, and it makes you feel more lonely than ever.

Turning back the clock, or why choosing to become landed peasants is a political statement

2010-11-12T10:58:00.008+11:00

It has often seemed to me that in modern society we have replaced one external locus of control in religion, for another in corporate capitalism. The mechanisms are different, but many of the results are similar, that we as a people submit to the idea that someone 'out there' has the right and power to influence our existence, often more than we do ourselves. I began wondering if there are ways we really could move towards independence and true self determination while fulfilling our need for community. I thought about the ways that this external locus of control has made me uncomfortable in the past and what I was motivated to do about it.

An example I thought of was something that doesn't seem very political at all - a glass of water. It started off as conservation, I didn't want to be responsible for water shortages, or the need for another super dam and all of it's environmental ramifications. But it became more than that. I'd been doing some reading on flouride, and chlorine, and realised that no matter what my conclusions were on their relative safety, I couldn't do anything about it anyway. I didn't like the ownership a corporation had over the water falling from the sky, and who could have it, and for how much. I even heard that some water corporations were examining ways they could charge people for collecting water from their own roofs if they were in their designated catchment. However I felt about it, I was powerless, one small voice in a highly centralised system. And this was with regards to something that was central to me, in fact making up over 70% of my body. The payoff was of course, I did not have to take responsibility for the quantity or quality of that water. In this case I could, with a great deal of expense and fighting with said corporation, take that responsibility on myself, which I did. But what if we reach a point where we can't?

“It seems to me a very good thing, in theory as well as practice, that there should be a body of citizens primarily concerned in producing and consuming … that there should be in the community a sort of core not only of simplicity but of completeness… But there would be somewhere in the centre of civilization a type that was truly independent; in the sense of producing and consuming within its own social circle. I do not say that such a complete human life stands for a complete humanity. But I do say that this man who supplies his own needs is very much needed. I say it largely because of his absence from modern civilization, that modern civilization has lost unity.” – G. K. Chesterton, The Outline of Sanity, 1926

Then I made the connection that a particular arm of the environmental movement, often called 'urban homesteading' is as much a political statement, as it is a practical, green lifestyle choice. I like planting a carrot because of all the externalised, corporately infrastructure I'm NOT using to do so. Consistent, universal supply is great (if one allows the remain hidden the true cost of such a system), but let's not allow the point where such things become our only option slip by unnoticed. A carrot. Whoda thought.

“We therefore consider whether it is yet conceivable to restore that long-forgotten thing called Self-Government: that is, the power of the citizen in some degree to direct his own life and construct his own environment; to eat what he likes, to wear what he chooses, and to have (what the Trust must of necessity deny him) a range of choice.”

From Above.

2010-07-24T20:25:00.002+10:00

This blog post. All of it. I have been hunting and hunting for that song since I fist heard it a week and a half ago. I think I love the whole album already. How could you not? I think it will hurt to listen to, but will be worth it. More of a Nick Hornby rather than a Ben Folds fan but the marriage is stunning. Don't know why I find it so and there's no one around to tell me. Gee this space is random - but then so am I.

The Evolution of God

2010-07-07T17:03:00.006+10:00

I found this article a really great summary of thoughts. I've always found it odd that the most vocal athiests appear to attempt to prove that the God of religion does not exist, when I feel it would be far easier to offer a robust explanation of how religion came to be from a social science standpoint. Turns out there are a few of those out there too, whom I relate to far better than Richard Dawkins and co. I find the venomous nature of both sides of the argument distasteful, I particularly find the attacks on religion by athiests to be particularly puzzling and unhelpful and wish they could be self aware enough to understand the origins of their strong emotional reactions and need for evangelism. It would be far better if there were a representation of those who understood religious systems as an effective method of social governance which individuals in our society may elect to opt out of if they recognise it for what it is. Perhaps this is the key to the negative emotional response of the athiest. As a society we have evolved to a point where we have the luxury of individualism. Religion assures us that submission to the group will ultimately result in benefit for the individual also. Uniformity and shared understanding provides social stability, yes, but I think as a greater society we have moved beyond that in Maslow's hierarchy of needs to desire personal fulfilment in creativity, expression and self determination.

Ultimately I have a suspicion that social diversity works quite similarly to biodiversity, in which the maximum amount of variance results in the most robust system. It is the competition between different forces in a changing environment which cause evolution to occur. I suspect this closed minded social conflict, however distasteful I find it, to be a part of this system.

A lot of my thinking has been done previously, but I've never really felt the need to have a 'stance' as such, particularly since the majority of the thinking occurred whilst attempting to participate in organised religion. . I still don't really, but I'm conscious that there may be a time where I have to explain my position. I don't know how that conversation would go exactly, or how strongly I would put forth the argument given that I honesty think it would be easier for others to remain within the confines of established religion if possible. What I don't want is for my point of view to be dismissed as the reactions of anger, or a person in pain, although I will wish to communicate those too I guess.

I could change my mind again, and I love that about me.

small deaths

2010-05-01T01:57:00.004+10:00

Community
Connection
Certainty
Control
All have died. One by one.
Devalued. Violated.Deserted.
One by one.
The one who understood me best, for whom I risked everything. Final words I understand all too clearly, uttered by another.
The one who was the shepherd, laying me before the wolves and telling them not to feed.
The ones who I thought would be there, who I thought would be amongst the few.
The eternal one who was never there.
Cold words - from cowardice and for the comfort of others.
Sacrificed - to strangers, to the silence.

Then the tiny life I didn't even know was there, slipping away. Leaving me. Leaving my body so violently. The final loss.

Will it really be the last?

2010-04-15T22:43:00.000+10:00

World Science Festival 2009: Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale from World Science Festival on Vimeo.

2010-02-06T12:32:00.002+11:00

Ugh! Don't I know it. I get SO much done when I'm panicking in such a small space of time. When the terror rolls over all of the self doubt like a fog. Yet this thing was due at the printers in November and it still isn't there.

Facebook Free February

2010-02-05T18:01:00.003+11:00

Seems to be going ok, had to sneak back on today to get a phone number but wasn't too tempted to see what everyone has been up to.

Had some positive non-facebook interactions although it's hard to say whether it is a direct result of non-facebooking or random.

Went out for coffee to Mt. Kembla pub instead of spending my lunch break on facebook. Had an interesting conversation with two (female) church staff members about self-perception, specifically weight. It is amazing to what depths women seem to internalise the need to be thought of well, or positively perceived by others. That being a 'people pleaser' can be worn almost like a badge of honour. I guess I accept the trait more when it's openly acknowledged rather than denied. Something else interesting that came out of the conversation was an observation made about myself. That one of my biggest strengths is that I see people for what they really are. One of my biggest weaknesses - I see people for what they really are. Food for thought. Although I just had a coffee.

Bookish Finds

2010-01-25T00:02:00.009+11:00

Another write as if no one is reading post. Which is a pretty safe bet given the erratic timing and subject matter of my posts.

I do love a good forage through an old book shop don't you? One of my all time favourites is The Nostalgia Factory in Kangaroo Valley. Fair but not over priced, not overwhelmingly large like Berkalouw's , but a huge variety from the late 19th century onwards.

Today I was lucky enough to be let into 'the back room', I think it may have had something to do with how much I was gushing about the adorable foreword in the book I had just bought. Here is some of what I found. The Golden Age by Kenneth Grahame, author of my favourite (possibly after Alice), Wind in the Willows. I love it when you are randomly wondering something, such as 'I wonder why I don't own more books by Kenneth Grahame?' and the universe puts in in your hands. THEN I remembered a play by A.A.Milne (of Winnie-the-Pooh fame) based on Mr Toad that I had seen in the shop once. I had not bought the book and had been bitterly disappointed when I had thought better of it and returned, only to find that it was gone. Well, not gone but reclassified as it were.

O found some other books of interest (inspired to branch out from science fiction and high fantasy by my stirring reading of Wind in the Willows perhaps?) Death of a Salesman, The first three Hornblower novels, and a Bill Gates business book (the later I of course take no responsibility for). There were some funny finds too - from a very dry Centenary of Moore Theological College published in 1955 (purchased and put away for a special friend's graduation from same institution) to an very old girly magazine with a headline titled 'Plump Girls Live to Love'. That one went unpurchased.

The other BIG squeal worthy discovery of the day was a McCall's complete book of dressmaking c. 1951. Apart from it's practical value as I'm pretty sure it covers just about everything, the pictures are absolutely divine. If you can get past the waspishly waisted women, and the brutal sounding chapter sections with titles such as 'and what else is wrong with your figure?' (well at least we're encouraged to be completely honest, that's always a good thing right? :s ) the styling is wonderful. I actually picked it up thinking it would be lovely to give to someone in particular, but unless some bridges miraculously get built I don't think that will be possible, which is sad. Oh well, I tend to do such things to myself from time to time. I'll enjoy the book for its pictures in any case, not that I'll ever be up to the tricky manoeuvres contained therein.

2009-11-30T23:17:00.003+11:00

Matryoshkas!

I'm such a sucker for them. There's a little giveaway happening over at Sew I Do with perfect perfect little Matryoshka themed do dads. I was in Kinokuniya yesterday and as good as I had been all weekend I couldn't resist these guys. I may be able to redeem myself by giving them away as a Christmas present, but I highly doubt it.

2009-11-15T01:44:00.000+11:00

Apparently I’m a ‘fixer’. I shall contemplate the ramifications of this, blog about it and then potentially call a do over.

The God of Tectonic Plates

2009-10-05T13:29:00.006+11:00

So God. People. Time. Sin. Pain. I'm assuming for this line of thought that we are examining through physical evidence the nature of a potential creator as outlined biblically.

I had a recoil moment yesterday when someone 'acknowledged' suffering as a result of human sinfulness. I think some things clearly are, although mostly complex. war. abuse. even climate change, weather patterns and environmental degradation could viewed in that way if you were so inclined. Current diseases one could argue may have eventuated since the 'fall'. But when the earth moves, humanity has not a bit of influence. Never has. Never will. In the small amount of time humans have been considered 'human' the tectonic plates and volcanic activity have not changed, but have continued to follow the same principles for millennia. They were ALWAYS going to cause the pain and destruction that they do on humanity, no matter what big choice we had to make. So either a) we were formed predestined to somehow 'deserve' pain and suffering or b) pain and suffering were going to happen even if we didn't make bad choices, they are not linked.

So obviously this God does not put as much value on human pain as we do, either because there is something he considers a larger good that he it achieving (not only our worship and reliance on him, but our choosing to do so) or he really can't conceptualise the scale of our experience within the limited framework that we have. Maybe he really doesn't notice that much.

So, what is our experience, what is it based on? For people, pain is not merely a collection of nerve endings reacting to stimulus, although that is part of it. Much of our pain comes from our ability to see into the future and hold onto the past, to empathise, to understand our own mortality, to contemplate and imagine the unknown. Many of these things are from what we know, uniquely human. Homo Sapiens.

What if the fall itself was actually our final evolutionary step? What if the explanation offered in Genesis describes man's transition to sentience? What if God never wanted us to move beyond the step before us, bearing more animal characteristics. Hunting and gathering, reliant on provision by unaltered nature, instinctive, isolated groups, unaware of our own mortality, experiencing life from moment to moment. That would explain the metaphor of the tree of knowledge. Adam is forced to work the soil - transition from nomadic tribal hunter gatherers to agricultural practices. Even down to the fact that Eve will labour during childbirth - one of the main things that makes childbirth difficult is our transition to fully upright walkers with corresponding narrowing of hips. We have knowledge of ourselves, the ability to manipulate each other, ability to alter the earth, and ongoing knowledge of it's ability to crush us like bugs. Population growth has come from knowledge - farming practices, health care, medicine. Larger groups created competition and conflict. Because of our knowledge and evolved brain we have the ability to act on a grand scale before understanding the consequences. Some effects are obvious, some are not, how were we to know? How are we to be blamed for following the evolutionary drives that apply to all life?

Maybe the Amish haven't gone far enough. Maybe this God of ours doesn't actually take joy in all we've accomplished. Maybe all scientific knowledge, all poetry, all art are nothing more than symptoms of the disappointing and self destructive direction humanity has taken. If he is there, maybe the things I value most in myself have no relevance to him. I'm not sure how to love and trust in that situation

2009-09-28T20:46:00.003+10:00

I find it strange that there are still a handful of media personalities whom I regard in a kind of patriarchal manner. Their voices soothe, and I'm tempted to believe anything they say. Why is that? How did they weazle their way into that part of my brain. Some, like the Davids have earned my respect with their wonderful intellect and fantastic enunciation, but others, like Mr Collins down there or Brian have been little more than talking heads. I wonder if it was due to my extreme youth, whether people spent more effort on the perception of integrity and almost condescending authority, whether it could happen now or whether I am sufficiently steeled against the slings and arrows of popular culture. I don't seem to trust anyone at face value, and I like it that way! But sometimes it would be nice not to have to think, merely because Brian told me so. I wonder if I'll ever slip back, and let others do my thinking for me. I think some people would be relieved.

2009-09-19T00:08:00.002+10:00

Not from my childhood, but I remember dreaming like this. The hairstyle isn't too far off either. One thing I would change about my dreams is that they don't come with a cool soundtrack like this clip. Or any soundtrack for that matter. This video is from Yo Gabba Gabba!, which I thought looked pretty crap, but turns out it isn't. Still not getting pay tv, but their website is pretty child-friendly too.

2009-09-17T22:45:00.000+10:00

An idea - Girls Night In/Steel Magnolias each girl gets one/makes one

2009-09-14T16:56:00.001+10:00

A minor epiphany

2009-09-09T15:59:00.003+10:00

Maybe that just makes it a piph.

I think an artist is not someone who is good at drawing, or painting, or writing or performing. I think an artist is someone who sees the world in a certain way and has to find a way to express it. I think despite my background and training, I have an artists soul (although that sounds trite), and I think I'll feel a bit better about this life thing we all have to do if I could find a suitable medium, or three.

I always got confused when people start talking about left and right brains, and categorising people as creative or logical, language or science. I could never tell, and any test I did varied considerably in their results. During that crucial period as a teenager where you have to suddenly decide who you are and what you're going to do for the rest of your life it was concluded that I was a science brained person. Mainly because maths and science made sense to me and I was good at them, which would not be the case if I was 'arts' brained. Plus I couldn't draw and hated my art teacher and had major philosophical disagreements with half the english staff (not that you could tell, I was very well behaved and compliant). So I got myself scientifically trained. I'm comfortable in that sphere and can operate quite effectively. And I love ideas. New ones, old ones. And the scientific world is full of them. Without training they are very difficult to understand.

I think as a female, and a generally relational creature I have been trying to express myself through and within my relationships, specifically those closest to me. I live for sharing ideas I've found, or come up with and seeing that the other person understands, and even better sees the beauty in it too. Conversely when that doesn't happen I find myself spiraling, I feel so alone in my own mind, and am tempted to grab a hold of anything that resonates with me. Then I feel guilty because the joy that brings is so intense and I can't seem to share it with the one I love or include it in our relationship.

Anyway. Idea in progress.

July

2009-09-08T17:07:00.004+10:00

I really like this interview. The subject ('cause she's super cool) but also the format and participatory nature of the interview itself.

Influencing Factors.

2009-09-08T16:52:00.002+10:00

I've been thinking about thinking lately. How wide my frames of reference have become and where I came from. They weird people and things from my memory which still resonate. Since this blog has been abandoned for so long I feel I can just use it for storing elements of 'me' in. might be some random youtube cartoon clips, personalities that still strike a chord, music that I hear and remember a time when I was still forming my identity, trying on different ideas to see which ones fit. I feel I am entering another such time, or maybe I'm the type of person who is always in a state of flux, with constant change being a defining characteristic.

Wonder if I can sneak back here yet?

2008-02-08T22:08:00.000+11:00

Maybe someone has this blog booby trapped to set off a silent alarm if I set foot in here again. interesting as it all is. Let's test shall we? I'm over tired and wired so this might help. Today was truly a day of wonder. I was honoured to be asked to attend the birth of our best friend's third baby as a carer for their other two children. I'm sure all births are incredible in their own way but this homebirth was so... normal it was exhilerating. It cemented the realisation for me that this was how it was meant to be, and that the idea of welcoming a new person into the world in a strange smelling room in a hospital with the family separated and strangers all around telling a woman what to do is just WEIRD. I knew through Lou's somewhat passionate attachment to the cause of homebirth and my consequent research that it certainly seemed to provide some tangible benefit for SOME women, particularly those that felt stressed out and let down by the lack of respect and consideration they received in the hospital system. but this was something else. Sitting with the kids and hearing their mother's final birthsong and little brothers first cry, and having them walk in to see mum and baby still connected floating happily in THEIR bath, minutes, if not seconds after it happened. That has got to have a different effect on them than being told to accept a small bundle that is seemingly produced from the depths of a large medical institution.
I had a brilliant birth with Lorien. I had a short labour, endorphins were flowing, and I felt like I could run to the top of a mountain and then do it all again when it was over. I was focused, I had my husband and my Mum looking after me, and I wasn't afraid to tell anyone to step off if I didn't agree. But there lies the tension. I was in an environment which was 'theirs', visiting like a dinner guest. Somewhere that if you had any opinion at all it would to some degree cause conflict with the 'owners', which would require some degree of resolution, something which detracted from the real job at hand. Never sure where their boundaries would be, knowing that they were ready to step in with their suggestions to guide you back onto the path they thought you should be on in the first place. I don't resent them, I loved my obstetrician, even though he's apparently known as one of the most controlling inflexible practitioners in the area. I didn't find him that way, but I was conscious that he was watching, waiting to pull out his bag of tricks, none of which were without their own risks, risks I was meant to accept readily and without question because he had faith in his own ability to control the elements. Which is fair enough, but it was more the EXPECTATION that a natural physical process would more likely than not require it. Like the 'just in case' has taken over the entire process. At what point does the level of risk have a right to completely dictate all thought and action? Some might see it as precautionary, like wearing a helmet while riding a bike, but in this case the helmet seems way bigger than the bike, like it's covering the riders eyes and saying trust me, I've supervised hundreds of these things so it's safer this way. You feel unbalanced and blind? Don't trust that, it's your first (second third) time on a bike. Hey, you're riding a bike aren't you? You're lucky I don't just drag you off and deliver you to your final destination, actually that's my preference, the ride really just gets in the way. I don't know exactly how I feel about all of that, I just know that today it simply wasn't there at all. None of it.

What Colour Orange Are You

2007-09-19T20:41:00.000+10:00

A completely stoopid post to end a 3 month blogging hiatus but there you go.

You Are Orange

Bright and intense, you embrace the world and all its opportunities.
Change does not intimidate you, even if it's a complete life overhaul.
You're a very real person. You aren't scared to show the world who you are.

What Color Orange Are You?

Jack is Back, and I didn't know.

2007-06-28T20:37:00.000+10:00

Thankfully you can relive past 'episodes'.

Birthday score!

2007-06-20T23:02:00.000+10:00

OK so the score was with our own money but still, to be able to purchase in a REAL bricks and mortar store the imaginings of my many nights of blog surfing right here in Wollongong warms my little heart. Unfortunately the shop doesn't have a website but for those of you around here it's called milk (mothers infants little kids) and is in Fairy Meadow (a very apt suburb for a children's shop don't you think?) And I think Lorien may be pretty happy too. My baby is turning TWO people! We're well and truely leaving babyhood behind us in this family, we'll come back to visit you though, I promise. On to the loot. First up we have a snazzy little number by Oobi, makers of the gorgeously unique little Beasties, well it turns out they make equally as gorgeously unique clothing items

Next up we have a (well two actually) pair of Babylegs in dark rye and white starburst (for those who are interested), as well as a matching pair of blue garden clogs, just 'cause. Finally we have a purchase from the most coveted toy brand Haba

Kitchen Theme.

2007-05-24T22:59:00.000+10:00

I still have NO idea what to do about the kitchen window, but I do know what colour I'd like my accessories to be

Another for the list

2007-05-24T22:52:00.000+10:00

I've been a bit into watching Nigella on Youtube (since I don't have pay tv, nor do I want it). She's very into her comfort food. I like it best when she uses words like velvety and buttery ointment.

And this

2007-05-02T23:33:00.001+10:00

Borrowed it from the library. Don't need to own it. Lots of good information to digest but rather dry. I think I'd like something with some pictures, to see how good design looks.

Want this

2007-05-02T23:24:00.000+10:00

Old Places

2007-04-29T10:32:00.000+10:00

A few weeks ago we took the opportunity to hitch a ride with my Dad to see the Grandparents, both because Ro's started school so it had to be in the hollidays and also he was a bit hazey as to whether they were still alive or not- as last year wasn't the best for them with illness etc. It was wonderful to see them of course but what was really great was taking a car trip to see all the old people and places from Dad's extended family. I loved him taking Ro to the places we used to go when we came up to see me GREAT grandmother. I felt comfortable- like this is somewhere we can relate like we used to. Since my parents separated I find it quite awkward relating to them sometimes- they're still my folks, it's just I had this image in my head about how it would be when I was an adult with my own family. Going over once a week for dinner, family get togethers, everything I had growing up. I guess I feel kind of cheated for me and my children. they still have loving grandparents, but as well as that they're (the grandparents) are off exerting the independance and enjoying being uncommited and answerable to no one, which they both seem to see as the chief benefit of the single life. Maybe I still need to grow up some more and just suck it in.

Colour. That's it.

2007-04-02T23:06:00.000+10:00

Yes we have moved house, yes I have started a new job, but honestly I just can't think of anything crafty or witty or philosophical to muse over. Maybe that's how life will be for a while. I'd love to start participating in a Corner's of my Home but as much as I love the new place, it's OURS we have exactly the right amount of space, I've started doing 'things' to it, it still feels kind of...blank. This blog is meant to make my life look all exciting and crunchy and creative by taking tiny little non-representative snapshots and rabbiting on about them. Well. yeah.

Now for something completely...

2007-04-02T22:59:00.000+10:00

Blog Worthy- Water from the sky!

2007-02-10T21:49:00.000+11:00

An incredible thing has happened. Water has fallen from the sky. In vast quantities and a short amount of time, complete with noise and flashing light. Proper hard stuff. It has become so rare in recent years (although no where near as rare as other parts of the country) that my mind had to retrieve the word from a little way back in my consciousness. THUNDERSTORM. The first thing it came into my head was 'oh look, lots of water falling hard from the sky'. One thing led to another and well... first the kids were allowed to get out of bed, which logically led to dancing naked in the rain. Guess it would have been better out the back instead of the front... How greatful am I to have a totally understanding husband who instead of being shocked and appalled instead understood that it was totally logical and snuck in some happy snaps. Well who knows, he may have been shocked and appalled but he's supportive before those things. I wonder how many men there are who could take my at times rampant craziness so easily in their stride. Sometimes he's even known to play along. Thanks babe for being so understanding. Thanks God for summer rainstorms and naked bodies (both chubby small ones and larger unabashedly motherly ones). Hmmm.... wonder who will be shocked and who will be totally unsurprised at this post? To quote a wise woman, It's my blog and I will blog what I want to.

small offerings

2007-01-20T13:08:00.000+11:00

Some small offerings from our vegetable garden. From all of those lushious potato plants the actual tubers are a little on the scrawny side, ranging from around the size of a large egg (only a couple) to pea size. Admittedly I just whacked them in the garden before we left for noosa, and only payed 2 dollars for the whole seed potato box, but I was expecting a little more than 2 (delicious) side dishes worth. Guess I'll get used to veggies that aren't all huge and uniform like at the supermarket. The tomatoes are just some spare seedlings from my neighbour Anna, I don't think they were even in real dirt. Apparently they are yummy too (I can't eat raw tomatoes) and given I don't even know what variety they're supposed to be they might be meant to be that size. I have high hopes for my Italian Roma's however. They have 6 weeks to do their thing, otherwise I'll have to think about shifting them TO OUR NEW HOUSE! Which will be OURS (our bank's). We thought contracts had exchanged Wednesday but apparently we were mistaken, so that'sa bit of a downer, so close yet sooooo far it seems.

stunningly wonderful boring day

2007-01-06T23:19:00.000+11:00

Today we had a great day, we did nothing for the environment, the arts, mankind or the kingdom of God as far as I'm aware. There was some brunch in town with Christmas money, then some reading and lazing while the kids splashed around on the verandah. No laundry was put away or soil improved, nothing was created. O bought me The Herb Bible for $7.99 so there may have been a little dreaming, but that's about it. I think it may have been the calm before the storm...

peeking out at '07

2007-01-05T23:11:00.000+11:00

Nope, not for us. We're about to do a big bellyflop into 2007 without even checking how deep the water is it seems. The first month of this year we've decided to buy a house, start me up in a new job and send Rohan off to school. The only new year's resolution I could think of was to resolve not to be too overwhelmed with it all and just go with the flow for a while. Then we'll start the lists, which is how we seem to get through stages like this, todo lists, pro and con lists, budget balancing lists. But for now it's just go go go and evaluate a bit later. See you in March maybe? I think I might try writing everyday type happenings in this blog, after all very few people actually see it and if I can get into practice journaling then I may keep this up, instead of waiting for cute crafty endeavours to happen and fill the screen with eyecandy. I wonder what will happen to George the turtle? He was here when we arrived, I guess we could take him with us, but he's pretty much self sufficient where he is, I wouldn't want to upset the balance.

It's done- part 3 bubba Eve

2006-12-22T23:41:00.000+11:00

I think she's bewdiful! and I can't claim credit...it was Owen. We actually had a huge fight over her- I came up and said some things and he didn't like it and I offended the artist...and so on. I said I was sorry and this is the end result of a joint collaboration (mostly Owen). She's essentially wool roving laid in thin layers over a felt base and then needle felted a tiny bit to make it a little more stable as per the method in Magic Wool. We love our little god daughter and we hope she likes her fairy princess.

It's done- part 2

2006-12-22T23:31:00.000+11:00

This is a pair of silk butterfly wings for my niece Tahlia. It was probably the easiest, most fun and beautiful present of the holiday season. silk painting is so fun, and then it was just a matter of gathering the middle with ribbon and sewing some hand loops on. I can imagine her running around the backyard arms outstretched, hmmm... wouldn't mind a pair myself actually. I just have to stress to her Mummy that they ARE for playing with and not to be precious. I think that children should be surrounded by beauty, even delicate beauty- the impact it has on the child far outways any material cost (which really wasn't that much)

It's done- part 1

2006-12-22T23:18:00.000+11:00

Thought I might catch you up on my crafty pursuits. Well I decided on a more wholesome and meaningful Christmas this year- my new years resolution for 2006 was to be do more with my hands like garden, cook, sew and generally create. So I DID start early on Christmas I promise. Inevitably I was panicking with a week to go but with C - 2 days I'm able to sit here blogging that it's finally over. I feel kind of guilty for the people I made stuff for- cause they get my crappy craft, but I also feel guilty about the people I bought stuff for! Yes they got a nice shiny store bought pressie but the they didn't get the hours (or days) of me thinking fondly of them as I worked on their project. Not that anyone knows that except me. So first cab of the rank was a very special baby for Lorien, based on the Waldorf doll philosophy which suggests that the fewer the features on the doll's face, the more the child's imagination is awakened in play and the more he or she bonds to the doll. Waldorf dolls are always made with all natural materials to absorb and reflect warmth and to provide wholesome materials for the child. Louise and I got a kit each from Sarah's Dolls and here is my result, hopefully she'll be loved despite or because of her extra long arm and odd feet. Obviously she'll be dressed in more natural materials after Christmas!

Heavenly Host

2006-12-12T22:54:00.000+11:00

my heavenly host using the instructions from Echoes of a Dream

Sing Hallelujah! My nativity scene is looking pretty schmick so far, I would almost call it a nature table but until now I've kind of had in the back of my mind that it was a little , well, Paegan and not in keeping with my Christian beliefs. In the weeks of advent for instance the Steiner nature table devotes a week to minerals, then plants, animals and finally the heavenly. But I was thinking yesterday, I already have a nativity scene and don't consider it a shrine- why can't it be beautiful and represent the natural world

like this passage from Luke 19

³⁷When he came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen:
³⁸"Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!"^[b]
"Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!"

³⁹Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, "Teacher, rebuke your disciples!"

⁴⁰"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

⁴¹As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it ⁴²and said, "If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes.

So I'm OK with continuing to teach my children about natural beauty as a testament to God's wonderful creation, and all for his glory. Might have to explain it to the other churchies that come through the door, but they already think I'm a bit of a crackpot anyway.

Peanut Pervesion

2006-12-05T21:45:00.000+11:00

NOT A GRANDMA FRIENDLY POST. This really couldn't be blogged before the recipient had been gifted with this Charlie Brow corruption. Trust me, it is totally in keeping with afore mentioned birthday boy's personality, he wanted this. It was done using officeworks dark t-shirt transfer paper and machine and hand stitching. If he puts it in the dryer I will SCREAM. Guess it would be better than him never wearing it (even if it is just over to our house... hint hint).

blossoming

2006-11-19T21:30:00.000+11:00

I signed on for my first crafty swap via Whipup and am having a moment (week) of anxiety. I'm no super crafter, I figured christmas ornaments were a small insignificant project. 400 (!?!) people have signed up for the Holiday Ornament Swap- that meants that 399 people will be looking at my poor attempt and 9 people will be able to critique in detail and be directly affected by my efforts! I'm aiming to get it all posted by the endof the week as all but one of my swaps are overseas, and I have no idea how long it takes to get things to Norway and Denmark. Edited to add- all overseas packages have now been sent on their merry way, I'm holding back my Perthy swapper's so hopefully they'll all arrive around the same time. Plus hers is different because she doesn't need it to be dripping in Australiana.

If you're happy and you know it

2006-11-12T21:26:00.000+11:00

Our little patch is rapidly greening up. I decided on a more haphazard planting of the veg- on Jackie French's recommendation (so the plants can hide from pests) but now see the benefit of nice neat rows. Getting a bit of blogger envy when I see posts like sooz' with big fat tomatoes and full heads of lettuce but gardening is an exercise in patience- you can't MAKE plants grow faster. Currently on the go in the main patch are roma tomatoes, beefsteak tomatoes, basil (as yet unmunched- YAY!), 3 kinds of potatoes (which I HOPE I am doing the right thing with) capsicums, lemon balm, continental parsely, broadbeans, silverbeet (Still!) and hopefully tomorrow some lettuce.

what do I know?

2006-11-10T00:19:00.000+11:00

This little creature is currently doing her best to carve up her big brothers face, by tooth and nail- any means necessary. We've trained Rohan too well I feel (it was necessary due to regular interractions with an 'extra grace required' friend) to a point where he just looks at us helplesslywhile she has her way because she is smaller than he is and doesn't know better. 'No, I don't like it' just isn't cutting it, she takes too much delight in having so much impact on someone so much bigger than her. So why do I blog this? Because things like this send me into a 'are we doing the right thing/going about this the right way' spiral of analysis. So what do I KNOW about our parenting practices? Am I blundering through blindly? No, I don't think so. What are some things I DO I believe about raisin' young'uns? To begin with the premise that children are naturally hedonistic and sinful and your chief job as a parent is to direct them away from their sinful desires is absurd in my opinion. Why would God give the parent child interraction so many STRONG biochemical cues that make COMPLETE sense (funny that, being the creator of all) just for us to strive to overcome them? My top 'parenting' principle is not hidden in proverbs amongst the rods and spoiled children, but in 1 John 4:19 "We love him, because he first loved us." I need to get it through to my children in any way that I can that they are LOVED, I need to figure out HOW they understand that. A tiny baby just doesn't function in the same way as a miniature adult does, nor does a recalcitrant toddler, or a sulking preschooler. The closest 'theory' that I have ever found to that resonates is Dr Sears' attachment theory- which basically states that you need to give a baby everything they ask for, food when they need it, close physical contact, sleep when they are tired, and they will learn to trust you. They trust that you will respect their needs and they matter as a person and you will begin to have an open line of TWO way communication. It is from this that true discipline can begin, from a level of mutual understanding. You understanding developmentally appropriate behavior and what 'need' it is communicating to you, and they understand that you have their best interests at heart. I DON"T abide by the idea that it's an excuse to allow for 'feral' children as some may use it. It's NOT about letting children have their own way, but preserving their value as people as you go about the shaping of their character. It does need shaping- but the sinful nature in the child should not be an excuse to exercise our greater power and discount what we know about developmental psychology. What if the authoritarian model itself is a symptom of OUR sinful nature- our desire to control and to have things OUR way? Maybe it's a symptom of a broken society where people are going it alone no longer have the community support to parent how they are meant to and it has formed as a survival response? More rambling later.

wanna see something freaky?

2006-10-27T22:40:00.000+10:00

Well it is to me. MY daughter cosying up to a CLOWN. Not only is it a clown, which by definition is hiding something, it's even pretending to be an inanimate clown. Pretending that it can't move, watching, waiting... I hates them. I think I always had a problem with them but when I was about 8 a certain aunt let me watch IT and I still get a bit of a shiver sometimes. I don't do clowns. Lorien on the other hand freaky child that she is decided she wanted to sit on it's lap and give it kisses and cuddles... blech. The kids had a great time, although Rohan had a mini meltdown everytime Daddy went on a ride that he was too short for (I think there were six in total and they were SCARY). It's no good telling him that it will be all the sweeter when he goes next time and has grown the extra 10cm required. I think every kid needs to go to an amusement park and taste the dissapointment of being just a little too small. Am I a sadist?

Nooooooooosa

2006-10-09T12:00:00.000+10:00

Haven't posted much lately, mainly because we were hit by one malady after another (flu, gastro, weird high temp and rash illness, broken toe etc.) all while in the lead up to coming away to sunny Queensland. And O doesn't understand why I had a stress headache for the first few days! Bit of adjustment, staying with fadgirl and family and another single friend, trying to balance family time, girl time, father son time, together time etc. but I think we are all heading towards relaxed. Will try to blog my funky unique type finds from Eumundi later, but for now here's something festive from the Coolum kite festival

Fly away home

2006-09-23T01:21:00.000+10:00

7. Needlefelting obligatory ladybug completed, have also done a funky bead since then. Hoping to start on The Very Hungry Caterpillar and maybe part of someones birthday present

4. Hung door plaques

10. Nearly finished night nappies

5 years!

2006-09-11T23:45:00.000+10:00

My honey and I have been married for 5 whole years! It's been sooooooo fast, and yet forever aswell. We're going to Jamie Oliver next week and Queensland a couple after that so we promised each other minimal spending- I made hime a silly little collage on canvas, he did the lovely traditional roses and red wine (snuck home at lunch time so they were waiting for me). Sigh, I love him so.

Mmmm Nummy.

2006-09-11T15:41:00.000+10:00

Lemon Meringue Pie - Margaret Fulton

shortcrust pastry (OK so I didn't make the pastry)

Filling
3 egg yolks
1/2 cup of sugar
2 tbsp plain flour
grated rind and juice of 2 lemons
4 tbsp of water

Meringue
4 egg whites
pinch of cream of tartar
1/2 cup of sugar

In a saucepan mix egg yolk, sugar, flour and lemon rind. Gradually stir in lemon juice and water. Cook stirring continuously until mixture is smooth and thick. Cool, pour into pie shell. Beat egg whites and cream of tartar until thick and gradually add sugar 2 tbsp at a time, beat until the sugar dissolves. Spread over filling in pie shell, sealing completely with meringue. Bake in a 180oC until merigue is golden. It's good to have a camera back!

Short/Medium Term Project List

2006-09-03T22:43:00.000+10:00

1. Hang Lorien's mermaid curtains
2. Patch Rohan's long pants which ALL have holes in the knee
3. Try out the pillowcase dress directions from here
4. Hang the kids letters on their doors
5. Redecorate the dolls house
6. Felt a lampshade for MIL (if it's good enough, she's a great MIL)
7. Try out my new needle felting needles on a small project
8. The Angel Quilt- finish it!
9. The Mermaid Quilt- start it (but not until the Angel quilt is done)
10. Sew some night nappies
11. Paint the wicker chair (apple green)
12. start getting through all of those aqua and orange op-shop finds and actually produce something useful

In Between

2006-08-31T12:46:00.000+10:00

Seasons that is. Our winter veg seems reluctant to go to seed (thus saving us money and having hardier crop for next year) despite unseasonally warm weather, and the spring garden really needs getting started. So we're trying to work around it. It's really for the kids, they love it. You should hear Lorien's squeals of delight when she opens a pea pod to see all the little babies inside! What's more she actually EATS them. Dolomite, Cow Manure (see a few posts ago) and blood and bone.

Cute Cloth

2006-08-27T00:03:00.000+10:00

OK I have a little obsession, although it's nowhere near as consuming as it was. Cloth nappies- how can cloth nappies be an obsession I hear you ask? Well obviously you've never come across Modern Cloth. It's ecologicaly friendly, reliable and darn adorable. I initially wanted to do cloth because

a) I hopefully will raise environmentally aware children who would be a little annoyed if they were responsible for the consumption of so many non-renewable resources for no real reason.
b) the cost factor was appealing, given that the average child will cost $3000 to keep in disposable nappies and a good cloth system can cost as little as $100 (I have spent a little more than that, probably close to $400 but it's like a hobby).

Now I'm quite proud of my 'stash' as we like to call it on Nappycino, but it's nothing compared to this girl's, or this ones. They're right, much of it, especially the wooly stuff is more like art.

Op shop chic

2006-08-19T12:35:00.000+10:00

This will one day be the decor in my craftroom/ sewing corner/ Mum's space. I have more in the retro aqua/orange op-shop range, have been going a weeee bit overboard. But it'll be good. maybe. Have I mentioned I love op-shops (thrift stores) yet? I even love other peoples finds, such as the recently consolidated Thrift Craft but the archives still give me a buzz.

This will one day be Lorien's little friend's (Maya) first birthday present, or part thereof. I'm thinking a flower pot with some flowers, or a pinnafore, or a giraffe. maybe it's ALL in there waiting to come out.

The current

2006-08-16T23:30:00.001+10:00

It's moving and I can't do anything to stop it. Rohan seems perfectly fine with the fact that he will be starting school in less than six months. Lorien seems to want to start to speak and possibly toilet train. There's a 2 day a week job I really should apply for but am yet again frozen by the usual fear of failure, and it would also mean my little family is old enough for me not to be there 24/7.

Gettin' Crafty

2006-08-15T23:52:00.001+10:00

I got Owen to take delivery of some books from Amazon while he was away to help inspire the creative process. I've been navigating my way through crafty type blogs for a while now- starting with the now idle Red Currentand more lately basing myself at Whip Up for my inpirational journey. To start with I got these-

For potential direction of the ultimate fadgirl Louise if we ever get stuck for creative brain-exercising ideas, something that is very important for intelligent types that choose to stay at home, something that is wonderful and fulfilling but at times mind-numbing.

For use with my friend Katie so we can all participate in a fad together that doesn't involve nappies (more on my cloth nappy obsession later) I have the most GORGEOUS wool roving waiting to have something done to it.

Wardrobe refashioning has always fascinated me (it appeals to my resource conservation side- I'm cheap) and recently my Mum bought me a jacket that I love- but hate some bits. Working up the courage to give it a go.

We also got some parenting books too but I'll save my rant on the subject for another time

Gran's House

2006-08-12T22:21:00.000+10:00

Took at trip to sunny Taree with the IL's to visit Owen's grandmother (the man himself being in San Francisco). Rohan is having a blast and I think the rest of us are pretty relaxed. Photo ops a plenty. I miss my hubby!

wishy wash

2006-08-08T00:41:00.000+10:00

2 down 6 to go. For Owen- Rohan had pre-school photos today, which meant he spent a good 15 minutes doing his hair. The result was certainly well sculptured. We got there just in time because as we were leaving our new DISHWASHER arrived. 5 years is more than enough time without one I think. Now I just need to get the darn thing to connect. Lorien and I had quite a relaxed social day morning tea, a spot of op-shopping and lunch with Katie, tea with Cath and a quick visit to Louise to show her my spoils on the way home. She seems to make herself at home wherever we go.

An Ocean Lies Between

2006-08-06T01:11:00.000+10:00

My honey has gone- off to the hills of San Francisco to revel in his nerdishness with others of the same persuasion at WWDC. Rohan got hit by a quite spectacular bug on the way home. My sister assures me it is of a 12 hour nature but none the less it is a great start to our week. I just home O doesn't have to deal with it on the plane! As part of this blog attempt I need to commit to trying to take more photos to journal our life. I also need to learn the ins and outs of links.

Sunny Cows

2006-08-03T12:09:00.000+10:00

Collecting manure this morning for the veggie garden-straight from the source in sunny Mt. Kembla! Today is 2 days before my beloved leaves us for a far off land. The house is covered in (clean) laundry- still recovering from the week without a washing machine. What an exciting life I lead that makes such news noteworthy. The next few days will concentrate on

a) sending him off in an orderly manner
b) placing my orders for US goodies to be delivered to him over there

And it begins

2006-08-02T23:05:00.000+10:00

So. I have a blog. And it has nothing to do with boats. Well it might one day, we can't discount the possibilty of our lives involving boats some time in the future. But probably not on a regular basis. No- that was pretty much what my peers could come up with- Merrily merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream. Well that and Feral Meryl. If you're in a boat and all it has is oars, you pretty much have to be motivated if you're going to get anywhere. Maybe this will help. And the image is by D Cutter on sale at www.etsy.com at the moment- a lovely place to get lost in and do not much of anything looking at what everyone else has done.