Monday, November 30, 2009


I'm such a sucker for them. There's a little giveaway happening over at Sew I Do with perfect perfect little Matryoshka themed do dads. I was in Kinokuniya yesterday and as good as I had been all weekend I couldn't resist these guys. I may be able to redeem myself by giving them away as a Christmas present, but I highly doubt it.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Apparently I’m a ‘fixer’. I shall contemplate the ramifications of this, blog about it and then potentially call a do over.

Monday, October 05, 2009

The God of Tectonic Plates

So God. People. Time. Sin. Pain. I'm assuming for this line of thought that we are examining through physical evidence the nature of a potential creator as outlined biblically.

I had a recoil moment yesterday when someone 'acknowledged' suffering as a result of human sinfulness. I think some things clearly are, although mostly complex. war. abuse. even climate change, weather patterns and environmental degradation could viewed in that way if you were so inclined. Current diseases one could argue may have eventuated since the 'fall'. But when the earth moves, humanity has not a bit of influence. Never has. Never will. In the small amount of time humans have been considered 'human' the tectonic plates and volcanic activity have not changed, but have continued to follow the same principles for millennia. They were ALWAYS going to cause the pain and destruction that they do on humanity, no matter what big choice we had to make. So either a) we were formed predestined to somehow 'deserve' pain and suffering or b) pain and suffering were going to happen even if we didn't make bad choices, they are not linked.
So obviously this God does not put as much value on human pain as we do, either because there is something he considers a larger good that he it achieving (not only our worship and reliance on him, but our choosing to do so) or he really can't conceptualise the scale of our experience within the limited framework that we have. Maybe he really doesn't notice that much.
So, what is our experience, what is it based on? For people, pain is not merely a collection of nerve endings reacting to stimulus, although that is part of it. Much of our pain comes from our ability to see into the future and hold onto the past, to empathise, to understand our own mortality, to contemplate and imagine the unknown. Many of these things are from what we know, uniquely human. Homo Sapiens.

What if the fall itself was actually our final evolutionary step? What if the explanation offered in Genesis describes man's transition to sentience? What if God never wanted us to move beyond the step before us, bearing more animal characteristics. Hunting and gathering, reliant on provision by unaltered nature, instinctive, isolated groups, unaware of our own mortality, experiencing life from moment to moment. That would explain the metaphor of the tree of knowledge. Adam is forced to work the soil - transition from nomadic tribal hunter gatherers to agricultural practices. Even down to the fact that Eve will labour during childbirth - one of the main things that makes childbirth difficult is our transition to fully upright walkers with corresponding narrowing of hips. We have knowledge of ourselves, the ability to manipulate each other, ability to alter the earth, and ongoing knowledge of it's ability to crush us like bugs. Population growth has come from knowledge - farming practices, health care, medicine. Larger groups created competition and conflict. Because of our knowledge and evolved brain we have the ability to act on a grand scale before understanding the consequences. Some effects are obvious, some are not, how were we to know? How are we to be blamed for following the evolutionary drives that apply to all life?

Maybe the Amish haven't gone far enough. Maybe this God of ours doesn't actually take joy in all we've accomplished. Maybe all scientific knowledge, all poetry, all art are nothing more than symptoms of the disappointing and self destructive direction humanity has taken. If he is there, maybe the things I value most in myself have no relevance to him. I'm not sure how to love and trust in that situation

Monday, September 28, 2009

I find it strange that there are still a handful of media personalities whom I regard in a kind of patriarchal manner. Their voices soothe, and I'm tempted to believe anything they say. Why is that? How did they weazle their way into that part of my brain. Some, like the Davids have earned my respect with their wonderful intellect and fantastic enunciation, but others, like Mr Collins down there or Brian have been little more than talking heads. I wonder if it was due to my extreme youth, whether people spent more effort on the perception of integrity and almost condescending authority, whether it could happen now or whether I am sufficiently steeled against the slings and arrows of popular culture. I don't seem to trust anyone at face value, and I like it that way! But sometimes it would be nice not to have to think, merely because Brian told me so. I wonder if I'll ever slip back, and let others do my thinking for me. I think some people would be relieved.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Not from my childhood, but I remember dreaming like this. The hairstyle isn't too far off either. One thing I would change about my dreams is that they don't come with a cool soundtrack like this clip. Or any soundtrack for that matter. This video is from Yo Gabba Gabba!, which I thought looked pretty crap, but turns out it isn't. Still not getting pay tv, but their website is pretty child-friendly too.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Monday, September 14, 2009

An idea - Girls Night In/Steel Magnolias each girl gets one/makes one

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

A minor epiphany

Maybe that just makes it a piph.

I think an artist is not someone who is good at drawing, or painting, or writing or performing. I think an artist is someone who sees the world in a certain way and has to find a way to express it. I think despite my background and training, I have an artists soul (although that sounds trite), and I think I'll feel a bit better about this life thing we all have to do if I could find a suitable medium, or three.

I always got confused when people start talking about left and right brains, and categorising people as creative or logical, language or science. I could never tell, and any test I did varied considerably in their results. During that crucial period as a teenager where you have to suddenly decide who you are and what you're going to do for the rest of your life it was concluded that I was a science brained person. Mainly because maths and science made sense to me and I was good at them, which would not be the case if I was 'arts' brained. Plus I couldn't draw and hated my art teacher and had major philosophical disagreements with half the english staff (not that you could tell, I was very well behaved and compliant). So I got myself scientifically trained. I'm comfortable in that sphere and can operate quite effectively. And I love ideas. New ones, old ones. And the scientific world is full of them. Without training they are very difficult to understand.

I think as a female, and a generally relational creature I have been trying to express myself through and within my relationships, specifically those closest to me. I live for sharing ideas I've found, or come up with and seeing that the other person understands, and even better sees the beauty in it too. Conversely when that doesn't happen I find myself spiraling, I feel so alone in my own mind, and am tempted to grab a hold of anything that resonates with me. Then I feel guilty because the joy that brings is so intense and I can't seem to share it with the one I love or include it in our relationship.

Anyway. Idea in progress.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009


I really like this interview. The subject ('cause she's super cool) but also the format and participatory nature of the interview itself.

Influencing Factors.

I've been thinking about thinking lately. How wide my frames of reference have become and where I came from. They weird people and things from my memory which still resonate. Since this blog has been abandoned for so long I feel I can just use it for storing elements of 'me' in. might be some random youtube cartoon clips, personalities that still strike a chord, music that I hear and remember a time when I was still forming my identity, trying on different ideas to see which ones fit. I feel I am entering another such time, or maybe I'm the type of person who is always in a state of flux, with constant change being a defining characteristic.