The God of Tectonic Plates

So God. People. Time. Sin. Pain. I'm assuming for this line of thought that we are examining through physical evidence the nature of a potential creator as outlined biblically.

I had a recoil moment yesterday when someone 'acknowledged' suffering as a result of human sinfulness. I think some things clearly are, although mostly complex. war. abuse. even climate change, weather patterns and environmental degradation could viewed in that way if you were so inclined. Current diseases one could argue may have eventuated since the 'fall'. But when the earth moves, humanity has not a bit of influence. Never has. Never will. In the small amount of time humans have been considered 'human' the tectonic plates and volcanic activity have not changed, but have continued to follow the same principles for millennia. They were ALWAYS going to cause the pain and destruction that they do on humanity, no matter what big choice we had to make. So either a) we were formed predestined to somehow 'deserve' pain and suffering or b) pain and suffering were going to happen even if we didn't make bad choices, they are not linked.

So obviously this God does not put as much value on human pain as we do, either because there is something he considers a larger good that he it achieving (not only our worship and reliance on him, but our choosing to do so) or he really can't conceptualise the scale of our experience within the limited framework that we have. Maybe he really doesn't notice that much.

So, what is our experience, what is it based on? For people, pain is not merely a collection of nerve endings reacting to stimulus, although that is part of it. Much of our pain comes from our ability to see into the future and hold onto the past, to empathise, to understand our own mortality, to contemplate and imagine the unknown. Many of these things are from what we know, uniquely human. Homo Sapiens.

What if the fall itself was actually our final evolutionary step? What if the explanation offered in Genesis describes man's transition to sentience? What if God never wanted us to move beyond the step before us, bearing more animal characteristics. Hunting and gathering, reliant on provision by unaltered nature, instinctive, isolated groups, unaware of our own mortality, experiencing life from moment to moment. That would explain the metaphor of the tree of knowledge. Adam is forced to work the soil - transition from nomadic tribal hunter gatherers to agricultural practices. Even down to the fact that Eve will labour during childbirth - one of the main things that makes childbirth difficult is our transition to fully upright walkers with corresponding narrowing of hips. We have knowledge of ourselves, the ability to manipulate each other, ability to alter the earth, and ongoing knowledge of it's ability to crush us like bugs. Population growth has come from knowledge - farming practices, health care, medicine. Larger groups created competition and conflict. Because of our knowledge and evolved brain we have the ability to act on a grand scale before understanding the consequences. Some effects are obvious, some are not, how were we to know? How are we to be blamed for following the evolutionary drives that apply to all life?

Maybe the Amish haven't gone far enough. Maybe this God of ours doesn't actually take joy in all we've accomplished. Maybe all scientific knowledge, all poetry, all art are nothing more than symptoms of the disappointing and self destructive direction humanity has taken. If he is there, maybe the things I value most in myself have no relevance to him. I'm not sure how to love and trust in that situation

I find it strange that there are still a handful of media personalities whom I regard in a kind of patriarchal manner. Their voices soothe, and I'm tempted to believe anything they say. Why is that? How did they weazle their way into that part of my brain. Some, like the Davids have earned my respect with their wonderful intellect and fantastic enunciation, but others, like Mr Collins down there or Brian have been little more than talking heads. I wonder if it was due to my extreme youth, whether people spent more effort on the perception of integrity and almost condescending authority, whether it could happen now or whether I am sufficiently steeled against the slings and arrows of popular culture. I don't seem to trust anyone at face value, and I like it that way! But sometimes it would be nice not to have to think, merely because Brian told me so. I wonder if I'll ever slip back, and let others do my thinking for me. I think some people would be relieved.

Not from my childhood, but I remember dreaming like this. The hairstyle isn't too far off either. One thing I would change about my dreams is that they don't come with a cool soundtrack like this clip. Or any soundtrack for that matter. This video is from Yo Gabba Gabba!, which I thought looked pretty crap, but turns out it isn't. Still not getting pay tv, but their website is pretty child-friendly too.

An idea - Girls Night In/Steel Magnolias each girl gets one/makes one

A minor epiphany

Maybe that just makes it a piph.

I think an artist is not someone who is good at drawing, or painting, or writing or performing. I think an artist is someone who sees the world in a certain way and has to find a way to express it. I think despite my background and training, I have an artists soul (although that sounds trite), and I think I'll feel a bit better about this life thing we all have to do if I could find a suitable medium, or three.

I always got confused when people start talking about left and right brains, and categorising people as creative or logical, language or science. I could never tell, and any test I did varied considerably in their results. During that crucial period as a teenager where you have to suddenly decide who you are and what you're going to do for the rest of your life it was concluded that I was a science brained person. Mainly because maths and science made sense to me and I was good at them, which would not be the case if I was 'arts' brained. Plus I couldn't draw and hated my art teacher and had major philosophical disagreements with half the english staff (not that you could tell, I was very well behaved and compliant). So I got myself scientifically trained. I'm comfortable in that sphere and can operate quite effectively. And I love ideas. New ones, old ones. And the scientific world is full of them. Without training they are very difficult to understand.

I think as a female, and a generally relational creature I have been trying to express myself through and within my relationships, specifically those closest to me. I live for sharing ideas I've found, or come up with and seeing that the other person understands, and even better sees the beauty in it too. Conversely when that doesn't happen I find myself spiraling, I feel so alone in my own mind, and am tempted to grab a hold of anything that resonates with me. Then I feel guilty because the joy that brings is so intense and I can't seem to share it with the one I love or include it in our relationship.

Anyway. Idea in progress.

July

I really like this interview. The subject ('cause she's super cool) but also the format and participatory nature of the interview itself.

Influencing Factors.

I've been thinking about thinking lately. How wide my frames of reference have become and where I came from. They weird people and things from my memory which still resonate. Since this blog has been abandoned for so long I feel I can just use it for storing elements of 'me' in. might be some random youtube cartoon clips, personalities that still strike a chord, music that I hear and remember a time when I was still forming my identity, trying on different ideas to see which ones fit. I feel I am entering another such time, or maybe I'm the type of person who is always in a state of flux, with constant change being a defining characteristic.

Wonder if I can sneak back here yet?

Maybe someone has this blog booby trapped to set off a silent alarm if I set foot in here again. interesting as it all is. Let's test shall we? I'm over tired and wired so this might help. Today was truly a day of wonder. I was honoured to be asked to attend the birth of our best friend's third baby as a carer for their other two children. I'm sure all births are incredible in their own way but this homebirth was so... normal it was exhilerating. It cemented the realisation for me that this was how it was meant to be, and that the idea of welcoming a new person into the world in a strange smelling room in a hospital with the family separated and strangers all around telling a woman what to do is just WEIRD. I knew through Lou's somewhat passionate attachment to the cause of homebirth and my consequent research that it certainly seemed to provide some tangible benefit for SOME women, particularly those that felt stressed out and let down by the lack of respect and consideration they received in the hospital system. but this was something else. Sitting with the kids and hearing their mother's final birthsong and little brothers first cry, and having them walk in to see mum and baby still connected floating happily in THEIR bath, minutes, if not seconds after it happened. That has got to have a different effect on them than being told to accept a small bundle that is seemingly produced from the depths of a large medical institution.
I had a brilliant birth with Lorien. I had a short labour, endorphins were flowing, and I felt like I could run to the top of a mountain and then do it all again when it was over. I was focused, I had my husband and my Mum looking after me, and I wasn't afraid to tell anyone to step off if I didn't agree. But there lies the tension. I was in an environment which was 'theirs', visiting like a dinner guest. Somewhere that if you had any opinion at all it would to some degree cause conflict with the 'owners', which would require some degree of resolution, something which detracted from the real job at hand. Never sure where their boundaries would be, knowing that they were ready to step in with their suggestions to guide you back onto the path they thought you should be on in the first place. I don't resent them, I loved my obstetrician, even though he's apparently known as one of the most controlling inflexible practitioners in the area. I didn't find him that way, but I was conscious that he was watching, waiting to pull out his bag of tricks, none of which were without their own risks, risks I was meant to accept readily and without question because he had faith in his own ability to control the elements. Which is fair enough, but it was more the EXPECTATION that a natural physical process would more likely than not require it. Like the 'just in case' has taken over the entire process. At what point does the level of risk have a right to completely dictate all thought and action? Some might see it as precautionary, like wearing a helmet while riding a bike, but in this case the helmet seems way bigger than the bike, like it's covering the riders eyes and saying trust me, I've supervised hundreds of these things so it's safer this way. You feel unbalanced and blind? Don't trust that, it's your first (second third) time on a bike. Hey, you're riding a bike aren't you? You're lucky I don't just drag you off and deliver you to your final destination, actually that's my preference, the ride really just gets in the way. I don't know exactly how I feel about all of that, I just know that today it simply wasn't there at all. None of it.

What Colour Orange Are You

A completely stoopid post to end a 3 month blogging hiatus but there you go.

You Are Orange

Bright and intense, you embrace the world and all its opportunities. Change does not intimidate you, even if it's a complete life overhaul. You're a very real person. You aren't scared to show the world who you are.

What Color Orange Are You?

Jack is Back, and I didn't know.

Thankfully you can relive past 'episodes'.

Birthday score!

OK so the score was with our own money but still, to be able to purchase in a REAL bricks and mortar store the imaginings of my many nights of blog surfing right here in Wollongong warms my little heart. Unfortunately the shop doesn't have a website but for those of you around here it's called milk (mothers infants little kids) and is in Fairy Meadow (a very apt suburb for a children's shop don't you think?) And I think Lorien may be pretty happy too. My baby is turning TWO people! We're well and truely leaving babyhood behind us in this family, we'll come back to visit you though, I promise. On to the loot. First up we have a snazzy little number by Oobi, makers of the gorgeously unique little Beasties, well it turns out they make equally as gorgeously unique clothing items

Next up we have a (well two actually) pair of Babylegs in dark rye and white starburst (for those who are interested), as well as a matching pair of blue garden clogs, just 'cause. Finally we have a purchase from the most coveted toy brand Haba

Kitchen Theme.

I still have NO idea what to do about the kitchen window, but I do know what colour I'd like my accessories to be

Another for the list

I've been a bit into watching Nigella on Youtube (since I don't have pay tv, nor do I want it). She's very into her comfort food. I like it best when she uses words like velvety and buttery ointment.

And this

Borrowed it from the library. Don't need to own it. Lots of good information to digest but rather dry. I think I'd like something with some pictures, to see how good design looks.

Want this

Old Places

A few weeks ago we took the opportunity to hitch a ride with my Dad to see the Grandparents, both because Ro's started school so it had to be in the hollidays and also he was a bit hazey as to whether they were still alive or not- as last year wasn't the best for them with illness etc. It was wonderful to see them of course but what was really great was taking a car trip to see all the old people and places from Dad's extended family. I loved him taking Ro to the places we used to go when we came up to see me GREAT grandmother. I felt comfortable- like this is somewhere we can relate like we used to. Since my parents separated I find it quite awkward relating to them sometimes- they're still my folks, it's just I had this image in my head about how it would be when I was an adult with my own family. Going over once a week for dinner, family get togethers, everything I had growing up. I guess I feel kind of cheated for me and my children. they still have loving grandparents, but as well as that they're (the grandparents) are off exerting the independance and enjoying being uncommited and answerable to no one, which they both seem to see as the chief benefit of the single life. Maybe I still need to grow up some more and just suck it in.

Colour. That's it.

Yes we have moved house, yes I have started a new job, but honestly I just can't think of anything crafty or witty or philosophical to muse over. Maybe that's how life will be for a while. I'd love to start participating in a Corner's of my Home but as much as I love the new place, it's OURS we have exactly the right amount of space, I've started doing 'things' to it, it still feels kind of...blank. This blog is meant to make my life look all exciting and crunchy and creative by taking tiny little non-representative snapshots and rabbiting on about them. Well. yeah.

Now for something completely...

Blog Worthy- Water from the sky!

An incredible thing has happened. Water has fallen from the sky. In vast quantities and a short amount of time, complete with noise and flashing light. Proper hard stuff. It has become so rare in recent years (although no where near as rare as other parts of the country) that my mind had to retrieve the word from a little way back in my consciousness. THUNDERSTORM. The first thing it came into my head was 'oh look, lots of water falling hard from the sky'. One thing led to another and well... first the kids were allowed to get out of bed, which logically led to dancing naked in the rain. Guess it would have been better out the back instead of the front... How greatful am I to have a totally understanding husband who instead of being shocked and appalled instead understood that it was totally logical and snuck in some happy snaps. Well who knows, he may have been shocked and appalled but he's supportive before those things. I wonder how many men there are who could take my at times rampant craziness so easily in their stride. Sometimes he's even known to play along. Thanks babe for being so understanding. Thanks God for summer rainstorms and naked bodies (both chubby small ones and larger unabashedly motherly ones). Hmmm.... wonder who will be shocked and who will be totally unsurprised at this post? To quote a wise woman, It's my blog and I will blog what I want to.